When Words Hurt: Ego, Umrah, and the Test of Our Hearts

How to respond when someone’s comments shake your peace

There are moments in life when a simple sentence, spoken casually by someone else, can sink straight into the heart.

Last year, someone said to me: “Your family did Umrah, but they also do things that are not allowed.”

It was a comment meant to “correct,” but it carried something heavier—judgment, superiority, and a subtle reminder that even in worship, people find a way to make you feel small.

I remember feeling offended. Not because the person gave advice, but because the way it was said carried ego. And ego—kibr—is the very disease Allah warns us about in countless verses.

The Ego That Destroyed Iblīs

The first sin committed was not murder, envy, or disobedience.

It was ego.

When Allah commanded the angels and Iblīs to bow to Adam (AS), Iblīs refused.

He said:

“I am better than him.”

— Surah Al-A’raf 7:12

That one sentence marked the beginning of arrogance, division, and spiritual downfall.

When someone hurts us with their words—especially religious comments—it often comes from the same disease: the feeling of “I am better than you.”

Maybe the person didn’t bow to Adam, but they bowed to their pride.

Modern Example: When “Advice” Isn’t Really Advice

We live in a time where Islamic reminders travel through DMs, WhatsApps, and public posts.

But not every reminder comes with mercy.

Sometimes it comes with superiority disguised as righteousness.

You perform Umrah with sincerity.

You go for the sake of Allah.

And yet someone chooses to highlight a flaw, an assumption, or something they don’t even know fully.

This is the modern version of what scholars call “religious arrogance.”

It isn’t advice—it’s an attack wrapped in piety.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“The Muslim is the one from whose tongue people are safe.”

— Tirmidhi

If your words hurt someone’s heart, they were not spoken for Allah.

How to Respond When Someone Hurts You

Islam never asks you to stay silent in pain. But it also teaches grace, dignity, and wisdom.

1. Respond With Calmness, Not Ego

You could say:

“JazakAllah for your concern. May Allah guide all of us. Only Allah knows what is in our hearts.”

You don’t fight arrogance with more arrogance.

You rise above it.

2. Remember That Allah Sees Your Intention

People can misunderstand you.

People can judge you.

But Allah never does.

“Verily Allah knows what is in the hearts.”

— Surah Al-Mulk 67:13

Your Umrah, your dua, your niyyah—they are written with purity, regardless of what others say.

3. Recognize Their Words as a Test

Sometimes Allah allows certain people to enter our lives to reveal our own hearts.

Will we react with anger or with patience?

With ego or with humility?

This is your moment of growth, not their victory.

Ego Is the Hidden War of Our Souls

Ego is not just loud arrogance.

Sometimes it appears as:

• thinking our worship is superior

• looking down on others

• assuming someone is “less religious”

• criticizing instead of correcting gently

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Whoever has even an atom’s weight of pride in his heart will not enter Paradise.”

— Muslim

That shows how dangerous ego truly is—not just for the person who receives it, but for the one who carries it.

A Modern Analogy

Imagine two people returning from Umrah.

One says:

“I hope Allah accepts it from me. I’m trying to improve.”

The other says:

“Some people go for Umrah but still do haram things.”

One returns with humility.

The other returns with the spirit of Iblīs—comparing, judging, elevating himself.

Which heart do you think Allah loves more?

Your Pain Has Purpose

Sometimes words hurt us because Allah wants us to:

• reflect

• grow

• purify our hearts

• become more aware of our own egos

Maybe you stayed silent, but your silence was recorded as sabr.

Maybe their comment was harsh, but Allah softened your heart through it.

Painful words are like sandpaper:

They scratch, but in the end, they polish.

Conclusion: Rise Above, But Don’t Shrink

The person who made that comment spoke with ego.

But you responded with dignity—that’s a sign that Allah protected your heart.

Let their arrogance be their test.

Let your patience be your elevation.

At the end of the day:

Allah doesn’t look at who judges you.

He looks at who you become through the judgment.